Breaking my old shell

I had this dream some weeks ago.

There were many people and there was a friend of mine among them.

This guy has big, hypnotic eyes. All I could see into this crowd were just his eyes. These two big and bright brown eyes sparkling in the middle of a silent and confusing amount of unknown people. Like owls popping out from dark corners.

Suddenly the camera shifts and I found myself staring at my friend’s arm. He is wearing a light blue shirt. The wrinkles of the texture are trying to catch his muscles and my attention but there is a very big insect posed on his forearm.

With no hesitation and no second thought, I simply shoo him away. Very gently but yet very determined.

When I wake up, I have this picture still in my head. That insect on that blue light shirt texture.

Some days go by before I tell the story to a good friend of mine.

He is a writer and a philosopher. I consider him a spiritual guide for me – even if he has no clue about it.

He is a special person. He has seen many places during his life but the ones he knows best are the ones people carry inside.

That day he was gifting me with a soul reading, so he drew what he saw inside me. My fears, my wants and what it is lying at the very bottom of myself.

We were sitting in an open space. With candles and nice perfumes. The best were the mediterranean rosemarine and the lemon trees.

Before starting our session together, I felt I had to tell him about that dream.

 

According to Enrico – this is you trying to get rid of what you have been taught.

This is you going against your father.

This is you being brave for just being you.

 

I often think about his words. Because everytime I read Osho and Lao Tzu, I can see my childhood priest blessing my head when I had to tell him I was regretting my thoughts or my behaviours. For things I was not even aware of – at that age.

Everytime I feel so much connection with our cosmo and my energy is expanding, I just want to get rid of my clothes and hug all the universe. And sometimes my old aunt who used to change the TV channel if a man and a woman were manifesting some love, she still talks too close to my very much annoyed ear. And even today it is easier to share pictures, videos and news of violence and wars which are socially accepted while love is seen as something to be guarded of.

My old shell is everything I smelled and touched in my younger years, thinking that these were the only existing things on this planet. It is cherishing and defending the secret of what I see in my future from the closest of my family because I know that for them having a mortgage, a boyfriend and a secure job is all I should wish for.

It is listening to my inner voice even when the road is steep and my eyes are covered with dust and really – you do not need to hike the Himalayas to experience this.

I learn and I practice everyday how to face the fears and the monsters I have inside and I experienced on my skin that if you don’t know how to deal with those yourself alone – no one at your place will.

Breaking my old shell to me is understanding and accepting that we won’t be rewarded with white wings and a golden halo once we will pass away – if our lives will be deprived enough by all heart beats we have.

I am aware. I have one life only and it won’t be an empty box.

It is a beautiful garden. I am the gardener but I am also all the different flowers, all the sizes of trees and the shades of colours and hundreds of scents which people may notice when they pass close to me.

Do they like them? Do they like them not?

I hope you will do the same – not being afraid of breaking your old shell – and just count on what you see, think and feel.

It will set you free.

 

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