There were times in my past I used to fight many things.
When I was in college I wanted to change the world. I wanted to write awesome articles, take notes about social injustices and give a voice to the forgotten innocents. When I was in primary school, aged 6, I wanted to change my grammar teacher because her main concern was gossiping about her neighbours. Many times I thought that changing people was necessary. This was especially true with my ex-boyfriends. At the first ideological crossroads, I really believed that with the passing of the time and some effort by my side, they too would eventually have changed.
I then realized that if I wanted to live a happy life, I had to stop this madness.
So I switched from studying Journalism to Philosophy. I couldn’t have changed the world but I could have looked at many points of views. I couldn’t get rid of my grammar teacher permanently, but telling on her face that I would have liked to push her down the stairs, it made me stay on holidays home a couple of days, saving my ears from her useless walkie talkie thingy.
As for my ex boyfriends – they were probably the easiest thing to drop – at that time.
I am now aware of this because I am writing it down. When at first I noticed a change in my ways of relating with the world (people, things, events), it wasn’t so intentional. It was more another try after a thousands lessons, which someone else would call mistakes.
But – can you name how many things make you sad? Can you name how many things disappoint you? Do you remember the last experience that let you down? Gosh, if I could start talking about all that is mixing inside me, I think I might end on Xmas eve.Of next year.
It is hard accepting things we can’t change. The hardest thing is probably accepting ourselves. Our flaws. Those days we wake up with no energy. When everyone’s eyes are pointed towards us, to see how we are going to perform today.
What about the irrational moments when our mind won’t shut up and won’t stop duelling with a bleeding heart?
The worst isn’t about what we are going to do next – it is maybe thinking about our past. Sometimes we get lost simply wondering about the consequences of our choices. “If only I could come back to when…”
I realized I want to stop this rushing madness towards perfection because it is ok to be like this, exactly how I am. It is ok if at times a sad feeling is popping out from that corner of my soul. It is ok being tired after a racing week in the office, working out in the gym, going out for dinner with friends, planning the next trip and whatever has been accomplished in 7 calendar days.
But when you need it – if you need it – stop for a moment.
If tonight you can’t help but feeling like crying because you could have done better with your examination, don’t play it around.
Let. it. out.
Accept your temporary humanness because so you are and it is ok if you miss someone who suddenly broke your heart. Don’t feel ashamed of yourself but rejoice of your lovingness.
Cry everything out. 1 minute. 30 minutes. 1 hour. As much as you need.
If you concentrate on your pain with all yourself just on that thing or that one who disappointed you, the thought will eventually leave you. I promise that it will leave you quicker than you think.
It will go away silently, without you even realizing. But remember – you are worth and beautiful enough to do it just as much as needed for the feeling to come out. For you to accept what is going on. No more.
Train yourself this way every time you feel the grip of sadness touching you and put an effort in doing it every time it happens. The day you will be brave enough for not dwelling in your pains anymore… you will see a true magic happening within you.
Be brave and be strong because it is easy to find comfort even in your own sadness
But be you – so forgive yourself tonight if you feel to.