My sheer delight

It took me time before I was able to reach this state of joyfulness. I spent an important amount of years looking for reasons to live for. People to be in love with. Places to move in. New awards to reach.

I now know that there is nothing, nothing out there for me. As someone once said: we were born alone and we will die alone. This is not a lifetime sentence for loneliness. It can sound sad, grey and dark. It is not,it is just the opposite: it is the greatest love rhyme ever written.

It is probably the greatest ode to aloneless: my truly sheer delight. All the other things beside me, all the other people are just something more, a plus. They are not nor will never be me.

The word, aloneless, doesn’t even exist in the vocabulary.

We are all afraid of being lonely. Lonely is miserable: we need someone else, something else. We need people around to belong to, we need to hear from them that we are doing the things right.

Truth is: do it if you feel ok living this way. Each of us is different: we live in different countries, we were shaped by a different culture. Our family and education, conditioned us also differently. There is our own nature to consider too and our own inclinations. Events and chances have a big role as well.

I know that if some events wouldn’t have happened, I had lived a different life. Each action comes as a result of a moment, of a disaster, of a big stroke of luck, of madness and the list goes on.

If you don’t feel that something should be different, you probably aren’t even reading these words and it is perfectly acceptable. But I do feel compassion for you, because you have no idea what kind of joy you are missing.

There is no such beauty like being perfectly happy with your own self. Sometimes can be difficult: sometimes we feel we really need to have our friends or our far family. Sometimes we would love to have our bed filled with human warmth. You know what? Don’t think about what you don’t have now.

Don’t get crazy if that person is not reaching out for you. Learn how to use your vibrator and you’ll start having all the orgasms you want, without waiting for the other one to be ready for  a new round! Don’t commiserate yourself if it’s Xmas day and your parents are in New York while you live in Paris. You can always go tomorrow, do let your emotions flow but remember: it is just a moment.

Your head is filled with thoughts and your heart and body release energy which is in constant motion. Tomorrow, you may look at things differently. People also, may be different because you and your sensitivity has changed as  well.

When I was younger I was doing the things, or maybe the things were doing me, I don’t know. For sure, it still happen now at times. But I’ve never felt so alive like now. I’ve never had all the fun I am having since I hit my 30’s. Since I’ve stopped listening to all the world talking as a full time job.

I can dance and I can sing and I can be quiet or just go crazy while making order in my flat. It’s a bliss. It is a gift having these moments. Only sitting by myself and looking around.

Think about that time you went travelling with your friends and one morning you wished to sleep till 12 and not heading to the museum. Or that evening you were longing for junk food in front of the TV, instead of a fancy sushi place.

This is pure freedom.

I started moving towards this totally unaware. It was all in silent, it was slowly and it was natural.

eskimoAnd it all started when I fell in love with myself 🙂

Big love to all of you,

Chiara

 

 

 

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