It is a hard period for me. I can’t deny it – at least to myself – and I feel that no one is understanding me. I know that the only ones who can understand me are people who have been on a road with a backpack for some time. Before my wanderlust time, I wasn’t even keen to travel and see new cities, places and people. I was perfectly happy in my flat in the heart of Dublin. I loved my drunken, stoned and crazy partying weekends and my friends. I loved going to the same spots, throwing (yes, literally) all the money I was earning in creams, perfumes and whatever I wanted to. I had no curiosity of seeing the world, I was expecting the world to come to my feet and I was pretty happy with it because it really was happening. Every time I was asking for something it was given to me. If I wanted something more I was working for it: studying for knowledge, sport for health, changing job for better salary and so on.
What I feel now is that I want to move my ass and go, look, search for adventures and fill my eyes with new faces, new colours. There is a beautiful feeling you have when you travel. It is a thirst for adventure, for not knowing what will come next and this is the real thrill! Every moment is different and you fully live and experience each day, including when you feel tired and down. You learn how to cope with yourself and how to take care of yourself.
It is the feeling of freedom and shared love that you can touch almost with your hand which deeply changes you. Meeting the eyes of people who are like you, no matter how nice or grumpy they are. No matter if they are 55 or 17. There is a sparkle of life that you feel burning inside yourself and that you recognize in the other ones like you. Sharing words, pictures, food, suggestions, tears, love or simply silence, it is one of the best experiences I had so far.
I have been in this beautiful city for not even two months and I am already feeling tired of listening to the same noises everyday. My badge to swipe on the office’s doors in the morning. My flat door opening and closing. It feels that all that can be discovered is restricted in the space I am moving through my day.
How can I sacrifice that screaming kid inside myself now that I feel it so alive and bold? The kid has played enough with this toy and needs new playgrounds!
This post may look like a big complaint, but it is not. If you have traveled enough in a certain way, if you have allowed yourself to let all the chains inside yourself go, then you will understand. If all your family, society, conventions and laws’ lessons create a world that you like admiring from a distant planet but wish not to belong anymore, then you will understand too.
I don’t think that the numbers of places you have visited can make a big difference because I believe the way you put yourself into the word, the way you breathe the world, it is what really shapes you as an existent being.
That is why I am feeling so unstable these days. This stability is making me faint everyday but I have to say I am a master in creating positivity. That is also why among all the things I like doing when I don’t work, I like thinking how and when I will be on the road again.
When people say that everything happens for a reason, I like saying they are right. The strength is not in being fatalist but in being able to accept things that life throws at you while working for what you really love and want. For this reason, my limb injury that still now – after two months of the incident – still prevents me from running, dancing, partying hard and basically being the “physically” me I was some time ago, it is a sign.
I can save money for my next big trip, I can read and broaden my mind while travelling with my fantasy. I want to get to know as much as possible of this new country and people who I will meet on the way.
All human beings we are wonderful existences, even when living a ready-to-go life: office, family,routine. But that sparkle, that feeling, that freedom, is what makes us one thing and when living a perfectly wrapped life, we sadly often forget about.